Repair Matters More Than Perfection

We sometimes imagine healthy relationships as relationships where people communicate perfectly, never lose their patience, and always know exactly what the other person needs.

But real relationships are much messier than that.
We misunderstand. We get defensive. We miss each other's bids for connection. We react from old wounds. We say things poorly.

The goal isn't perfection. Perfection is a function of shame.

The goal is learning how to come back to each other.

Repair doesn't erase what happened. It doesn't mean pretending everything is fine. And it doesn't mean taking responsibility for something that isn't yours.

It means being willing to look honestly at what happened, take responsibility for your part, listen to the other person's experience, and work toward something different.

There is a lot of hope in the ability to repair. 🌿