It’s Not About the Dishes

Sometimes couples come to therapy talking about dishes, money, sex, texting, in-laws, parenting, or who forgot what.

And those things matter.

But underneath the argument, there is often a much more vulnerable question:

Do I matter to you?
Can I count on you?
Am I safe with you?
Will you still love me when I'm hurt?

When we're caught in a cycle of conflict, it's easy to focus on proving our position or getting our partner to finally understand our side.

But sometimes the more important question is:

What is this conflict touching in each of us?

Understanding what's underneath the cycle doesn't mean ignoring the practical problem. It means creating enough understanding and safety to address the problem without losing sight of the relationship.

Because sometimes the thing you're arguing about isn't the whole story.

Sometimes it's the doorway into a much deeper conversation.